


knife in my back (head in the sky)

by sandpapersnowman



Series: the Kick-Ass/Neighbors crossover nobody asked for [1]
Category: Kick-Ass (2010), Kick-Ass (Movies), Neighbors | Bad Neighbours (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Fraternity, Awkward Crush, College, Crossover, Crossover Pairings, Fraternities & Sororities, Gen, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Witness Protection, chris damico is scoonie idk how else to tag that l m a o
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-07 13:45:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14672316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandpapersnowman/pseuds/sandpapersnowman
Summary: He's supposed to be doing student things to blend in and sell the illusion of being some random college kid. He's not supposed to get distracted by the cute fraternity guy.





	knife in my back (head in the sky)

**Author's Note:**

> i mentioned this once as a joke and its actually been haunting me for something like two months now
> 
> intended to take place after Kick-Ass but you can imagine it as after either movie, just general like "instead of that wild shit, cps swooped in to protect this boy from himself"
> 
> title bastardized from the wombats' [I Only Wear Black](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/wombats/I%20only%20wear%20black.html)

The town is called Ardendale.

It is a _town_ , too, if only because very few places feel like a city when you've been born and raised in New York.

It's not ideal, but with his father's business dissolving, it's still easier to play dumb and act like he didn't know what his dad was doing. Witness Protection will still be better than being brought in on whatever charges he'd get for not turning his own father in.

Chris D'Amico still lives in New York, hidden away somewhere, he's told.

Christopher 'Scoonie' Schofield has moved to Ardendale to go to college. He's not the son of a criminal, and he's just a normal college kid who grew up near Portland, had a dog, blah blah blah.

("What the fuck is 'Scoonie'?" he'd asked his case worker, and she had just shrugged and told him it was picked out of a database.)

"This will be temporary, for now," his case worker had assured him. "Once we confirm there's nobody out there looking for you, you can assume this identity or return to New York," she said. "It shouldn't take more than a semester for you."

He knows he shouldn't be complaining -- he's getting his first semester of college done on the government's dime, an allowance on a fake credit card that looks pretty fuckin' real, and he won't get assassinated on the other side of the country for being the son of a kingpin.

He's supposed to meet with one of his teachers in five minutes, but he's lost. A wrong turn took him to a ton of people in booths with Greek letters, a whole goddamn _alley_ , and he groans to himself and wonders what he's supposed to say if someone tries to _recruit_ him.

He doesn't mean to stare at the one guy on the end. Kind of tan, kind of _gorgeous_ , and kind of smiling the brightest smile Chris has ever seen just because a couple people are talking with him on the other side of the booth.

He doesn't mean to keep staring the whole way down the alley, accidentally ignoring every other booth guy trying to get his attention, and then realizing he's about ten feet from this guy's booth and unbelievably curious about him.

The guy catches him staring, and instead of looking at him weird or breaking eye contact, he _smiles_ again instead. Then _waves_.

It'd be rude of Chris not to talk to him now, right?

"Are you considering pledging to a fraternity?" the guy asks, once Chris is standing on the other side of the table. "We're accepting early applications before the school year starts and the official, y'know, pledging starts."

"What is it?"

"Delta Psi Beta," the guy says, with a gesture to the letters at the top of the booth. He stands from behind the table and hands him an honest to God _pamphlet_. "'Chivalry above self'," he quotes, and sure enough, that's their slogan or whatever, printed in fancy script under their logo. "It sounds cheesy, but we had to have some kind of motto, and that probably sounded better than 'fucking around with your friends, not being a dick'," he jokes.

Chris finds himself laughing. It... It might sweeten the whole deal a bit if this guy is around. He could be a frat boy. _Scoonie_ could be a frat boy.

"I'm Scoonie," he introduces himself. He holds out a hand and hopes he's not shaking as badly as he thinks.

The other guy smiles at him.

"Nice to meet you, Scoonie," he says, and he sounds _so sincere_ , and if he notices Chris shaking, he doesn't say anything about it. "I'm Pete," Pete says. "I'm actually the vice president for Delta Psi."

"Oh, cool," he says. Chris has no idea if that means anything besides, like, he chooses who gets in or something, but he definitely wants Pete to think he does know things about fraternities.

"My number's in the pamphlet," Pete says, glancing down it in Chris's hand. "If you do want to pledge early, you just need to get in touch and let us know about any special needs you might have," he explains. "Like, just talk to me or Teddy, the president, about anything else you want to know or if there's any accommodations you need or anything."

Chris just kind of stares for a second.

"You're really a fraternity?" he finds himself blurting out. "You just don't really seem like a frat boy," he adds, trying to backpedal and not quite getting it. "Like, you seem really cool, is what I mean," he sputters. God, he must be red. "Sorry."

Pete laughs, but doesn't look offended.

"It's okay," he assures him. "We try to be open with our feelings and sensitive to everyone's unique experiences," Pete explains. "Maybe we're a little too P-C for some people, but, like, there's already so many fraternities that love all that hypermasculine, offensive shit, y'know?"

Chris nods.

"I just didn't expect to find a... A _cool_ fraternity, I guess," Chris admits. He swallows nervously and readjusts his grip on the pamphlet in his hand. "I -- I'm supposed to be meeting up with a teacher, but I'll definitely get in touch with you," he says.

Pete beams at him.

"Cool, man. Take your time, and, like, my phone is usually down because of classes and stuff, so just leave a voicemail or text or whatever, whichever is more comfortable."

He can't believe he's thinking it, but he might be devastated if he doesn't get into this fraternity.

"I will," he finds himself promising. "I'll talk to you later."

Pete holds his hand out again, and they shake 'goodbye', too.

"I'm lookin' forward to it!"

Chris goes in whatever direction it is that lets him duck behind a building and collect himself for a moment.

An extremely cute dude is looking forward to 'Scoonie' talking to him, and he might be joining a _fraternity_ just to be around the extremely cute dude, but it's actually kind of okay because the fraternity seems, like, okay? And progressive?

If this is who Scoonie Schofield gets to be, _fuck_ Chris D'Amico.

**Author's Note:**

> I am also screaming on [my tumblr](https://www.sandpapersnowman.tumblr.com) as well as on my Kick-Ass specific [tumblr](https://www.chris-d-amico) ayy


End file.
